By Dr. John C. Maxwell
After World War II, a general and his young lieutenant were traveling by train in England. When they boarded, the only seats left were across from a beautiful young lady and her grandmother. The soldiers sat facing the ladies. As the train pulled out it went through a long tunnel. For about ten seconds there was total darkness. In the silence of the moment, the train’s passengers heard two unmistakable sounds – a kiss and a slap. Everyone on the train had their own perceptions as to what happened.
The young lady thought to herself, “I’m flattered that the lieutenant kissed me, but I’m terribly embarrassed that Grandmother hit him!”
The grandmother thought, “I’m aggravated that he kissed my granddaughter, but I’m proud she had the courage to retaliate!”
The general wondered, “My lieutenant showed guts to kiss the girl, but why did she slap me by mistake?”
The lieutenant was only one who knew what had happened. For, in the brief moment of darkness, he had seized the opportunity both to kiss a pretty girl and slap his general.
BLIND SPOT
Blind spots are the areas where we are in the dark about ourselves. We are oblivious to our blind spots, and they may wreak havoc on our leadership. Last edition of Leadership Wired, I began a discussion of leadership blind spots by looking at the dangers of a self-centered perspective.
In this article, I’d like to examine another widespread blind spot—insecurity.
The Blind Spot – An area in the lives of people in which they continually do not see themselves or their situation realistically. This unawareness often causes great damage to the people and those around them.
BLIND SPOT: INSECURITY
Personal insecurity may be the most widespread blind spot in leadership. Insecurity causes a leader to think selfishly when the very essence of leadership is to focus on others. Insecure leaders place their followers in jeopardy, put the organization in peril, and even endanger themselves.
Telltale behavioral signs make insecure leaders easy to spot. First, insecure leaders have a hard time giving credit to others. Insecure people operate from an internal deficit. They are empty inside, and, as such, they are constantly seeking affirmation. Bottom line: insecure people are needy people.
A second symptom of an insecure leader is the habit of withholding information. Communication can be a form of empowerment, but insecure leaders conceal it to gain control. They may even leverage information to manipulate those they lead. By releasing information a leader demonstrates trust and confidence, whereas withholding it belies a fear and insecurity.
Another warning sign of an insecure leader is the habit of feeling threatened by the growth of others. Instead of empowering those they lead, an insecure leader may deliberately stunt the growth of followers. A classic example comes from observing a bucket of crabs. If one crab is trapped in a bucket, it will have no trouble climbing out. However, if several crabs are trapped, they will never escape. As soon as one begins to climb toward freedom, the others will pull it back down. Like the crabs, insecure leaders habitually drag down those around them.
A final quality of insecure leadership is micromanagement. Insecure leaders are control freaks. Distrustful, they have tight reigns on everyone and everything.
SHEDDING LIGHT ON THE BLIND SPOTS
As a leader, how do you fix a blind spot when you can’t even see it?
# 1 Ask Those Who Know You Best to Identify Your Blind Spot.
For instance, I’ve asked my assistant, Linda Eggers, for feedback on my blind spots, and she has kindly and candidly helped me to discover them.
My Blind Spot: Since I assume right motives in those around me and believe in the importance of a great attitude, I do not always give a timely and realistic assessment of the people and situations around me.
I couldn’t have articulated this blind spot on my own. I needed someone else to verbalize it for me, and Linda enabled me to see it.
#2 Openly Discuss Your Blind Spots With Your Inner Circle.
Be transparent with you inner circle about your recurring blind spots. You will need to rely on your team to counterbalance your personal weaknesses.
#3 Assume Your Blind Spots Cannot Be Removed By You.
Remember our definition of the Blind Spot – “An area in the lives of people in which they continually do not see themselves or their situation realistically.”
I have had the same blind spots my entire life. I’ve learned to compensate for them, but I’ve never been able to remove them.
#4 Develop and Empower a Team to Cover Your Blind Spots.
I’ve been able to avoid the pitfalls of my blind spots by surrounding myself with quality people. For instance, whenever I face a major business decision, my brother, Larry, goes with me. He is much shrewder than I am in the business arena, and his perspective covers the deficiencies in my vision.
Delegation can also save you from the dangers of a blind spot. My tendency to see the best in others and to put my faith in their potential has led to some horrible hiring decisions. My organizations didn’t start to hire better people until I quit being the one who hired them.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Rain Washed
Author Unknown
A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.
We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.
We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mom asked.
"Let's run through the rain!" She repeated.
"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain."
"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.
"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"
"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said.
But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.
Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case.
They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.
And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...
So, don't forget to make time and take opportunities to make memories everyday.
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I hope you still take the time to run through the rain.
A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout.
We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.
We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in, "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said. "What?" Mom asked.
"Let's run through the rain!" She repeated.
"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated, "Mom, let's run through the rain."
"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.
"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"
"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!'"
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said.
But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If God let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.
Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case.
They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.
And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...
So, don't forget to make time and take opportunities to make memories everyday.
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I hope you still take the time to run through the rain.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Always Apologize, Always Explain.
by Martha Beck
Why the two words, "I'm sorry" can be the most rewarding.
I was a mere child when the classic tear gusher Love Story hit theaters in 1970, but I wept along with the adult audience as the dying Ali MacGraw told the darling Ryan O'Neal, "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Two years later, I saw another movie, What's Up, Doc?, in which Barbra Streisand's character repeated the very same line to the very same actor. This time, however, O'Neal had an answer. "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard," he said.
For me, that was a lightbulb moment. I'd been swept along by the romance of Love Story, but even as I'd watched it, I'd felt an uncomfortable tickle in my brain. Young as I was (practically fetal, I swear), something was telling me that real lovers say they're sorry quite often. Sincerely. Fervently, even.
This is not because dismal feelings like shame and regret are necessary components of a relationship, but because without apology no relationship would be free of them. Everyone does things that bother or hurt others; a bit of inconvenient procrastination will do it, or a grumpy comment made in a stressful moment. When we lack the ability to say we're sorry, minor offenses eventually accumulate enough weight to sink any relationship.
But the simple act of apologizing can reestablish goodwill even when our sins are much, much graver. Of course, it must be done right. A lame, badly constructed apology can do more damage than the original offense. Fortunately, the art of effective apology is simple, and mastering it can mean a lifetime of solid, resilient relationships.
I've heard many clients discuss and anticipate the "perfect moment" for an apology, claiming that premature contrition would just be too darn hard on the person they've wronged. Here's what I think: The perfect moment to apologize is the moment you realize you've done something wrong.
This seems obvious when we're contemplating somebody else's sins, but in the harsh light of our own guilt, we often try to protect ourselves from shame or censure by waiting for the heat to blow over. We may try to postpone apologizing or avoid it altogether by lying, blaming others, making excuses or justifying our actions. The impulse to go into such a stall is a big ol' signal. When you really don't want to say you're sorry, it's almost certainly time to do so.
On the other hand, you may be one of those people who apologizes when they haven't done anything wrong. This is as false as failing to say you're sorry when circumstances warrant it. If you frequently apologize, it's time to stop. This kind of pseudo-apology may ease awkward conversations, but it's a form of crying wolf; it distracts attention from real issues and weakens meaningful apologies when the time for them arrives.
Apologizing is rarely comfortable or easy, so if you're going to do it at all, make it count. Aaron Lazare, MD, a psychiatrist and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has spent years studying acts of contrition in every context, from interpersonal to international. He has found that, to be effective, most apologies need to contain the following elements:
1. Full acknowledgment of the offense
Start by describing exactly what you did wrong, without avoiding the worst truths. Once the facts are out, acknowledge that your behavior violated a moral code. It doesn't matter whether you and the person you've hurt shares the same ethics: If you've broken your own rules, you're in the wrong. Accept responsibility.
2. An explanation
A truthful explanation is your best shot at rebuilding a strong, peaceful relationship. The core-deep explanation for your behavior is your key to changing for the better. Explanations help you and your victim understand why you misbehaved and assure both of you that the offense won't recur. Excuses merely deflect responsibility. Leave them out of your apology.
3. Genuine expression of remorse
Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the comment "I'm sorry you feel that way" knows the difference between sincere regret and an attempt to avoid responsibility for bad behavior. Few things are less likely to evoke forgiveness than apology without remorse.
4. Reparations for damage
An apology includes real repair work: not just saying "I'm sorry." Often there will be nothing tangible to repair; hearts and relationships are broken more often than physical objects. In such cases, your efforts should focus on restoring the other person's dignity. The question "What else do you want me to do?" can start this process. If you ask it sincerely, really listen to the answer and act on the other party's suggestions, you'll be honoring their feelings, perspective and experience. The knowledge that one is heard and valued has incredible healing power; it can mend even seemingly irreparable wounds.
When you really apologize, you should feel good about yourself. An effective apology is, as Lazare puts it, "an act of honesty, an act of humility, an act of commitment, an act of generosity, and an act of courage."
But there's no guarantee that the other person involved will share your warm fuzzies. The final gallant act of apology is to release your former victim from any expectation of forgiveness. No matter how noble you have been, he will forgive -- or refuse to forgive -- on his own terms. That is his right.
Anne Lamott refers to forgiveness as "giving up all hope of having had a different past." The same words apply to apologizing. An apology is the end of our struggle with history, the act by which we untangle from our past by accepting what it actually was. From this truthful place we are free to move forward, whether or not we are forgiven. Apologizing doesn't make us perfect, but it shows our commitment to be honest about our imperfections and steadfast in our efforts to do better.
It reminds us of what Ali MacGraw's Love Story character died too young to learn: that love means always being willing to say you're sorry.
Article from O, The Oprah Magazine, September 2004. © 2007 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
3E = I recalled one the most powerful sayings about forgiveness that I have adopted since 2 years ago. "When you forgive someone you are setting the prisoner free, which later on you realize that the prisoner was yourself." Bitterness and anger are very destructive elements that we have to get rid CONTINUOUSLY from our life. Learning to apologize correctly and effectively is not solving the whole puzzle. Only half of it. We need to learn to forgive as well to complete the whole picture of the puzzle. So that we know it is not easy to forgive and thus, discourage us to do unnecessary things that can potentially hurt others. Asking forgiveness and Forgiving others are not our innate traits as a human being. These are traits that NEED TO and CAN BE developed. There is always price to pay for a better life. If we want the best life for ourselves, we better learn start from now the best we can to ask for forgiveness and forgive others.
Why the two words, "I'm sorry" can be the most rewarding.
I was a mere child when the classic tear gusher Love Story hit theaters in 1970, but I wept along with the adult audience as the dying Ali MacGraw told the darling Ryan O'Neal, "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Two years later, I saw another movie, What's Up, Doc?, in which Barbra Streisand's character repeated the very same line to the very same actor. This time, however, O'Neal had an answer. "That's the dumbest thing I ever heard," he said.
For me, that was a lightbulb moment. I'd been swept along by the romance of Love Story, but even as I'd watched it, I'd felt an uncomfortable tickle in my brain. Young as I was (practically fetal, I swear), something was telling me that real lovers say they're sorry quite often. Sincerely. Fervently, even.
This is not because dismal feelings like shame and regret are necessary components of a relationship, but because without apology no relationship would be free of them. Everyone does things that bother or hurt others; a bit of inconvenient procrastination will do it, or a grumpy comment made in a stressful moment. When we lack the ability to say we're sorry, minor offenses eventually accumulate enough weight to sink any relationship.
But the simple act of apologizing can reestablish goodwill even when our sins are much, much graver. Of course, it must be done right. A lame, badly constructed apology can do more damage than the original offense. Fortunately, the art of effective apology is simple, and mastering it can mean a lifetime of solid, resilient relationships.
I've heard many clients discuss and anticipate the "perfect moment" for an apology, claiming that premature contrition would just be too darn hard on the person they've wronged. Here's what I think: The perfect moment to apologize is the moment you realize you've done something wrong.
This seems obvious when we're contemplating somebody else's sins, but in the harsh light of our own guilt, we often try to protect ourselves from shame or censure by waiting for the heat to blow over. We may try to postpone apologizing or avoid it altogether by lying, blaming others, making excuses or justifying our actions. The impulse to go into such a stall is a big ol' signal. When you really don't want to say you're sorry, it's almost certainly time to do so.
On the other hand, you may be one of those people who apologizes when they haven't done anything wrong. This is as false as failing to say you're sorry when circumstances warrant it. If you frequently apologize, it's time to stop. This kind of pseudo-apology may ease awkward conversations, but it's a form of crying wolf; it distracts attention from real issues and weakens meaningful apologies when the time for them arrives.
Apologizing is rarely comfortable or easy, so if you're going to do it at all, make it count. Aaron Lazare, MD, a psychiatrist and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, has spent years studying acts of contrition in every context, from interpersonal to international. He has found that, to be effective, most apologies need to contain the following elements:
1. Full acknowledgment of the offense
Start by describing exactly what you did wrong, without avoiding the worst truths. Once the facts are out, acknowledge that your behavior violated a moral code. It doesn't matter whether you and the person you've hurt shares the same ethics: If you've broken your own rules, you're in the wrong. Accept responsibility.
2. An explanation
A truthful explanation is your best shot at rebuilding a strong, peaceful relationship. The core-deep explanation for your behavior is your key to changing for the better. Explanations help you and your victim understand why you misbehaved and assure both of you that the offense won't recur. Excuses merely deflect responsibility. Leave them out of your apology.
3. Genuine expression of remorse
Anyone who has been on the receiving end of the comment "I'm sorry you feel that way" knows the difference between sincere regret and an attempt to avoid responsibility for bad behavior. Few things are less likely to evoke forgiveness than apology without remorse.
4. Reparations for damage
An apology includes real repair work: not just saying "I'm sorry." Often there will be nothing tangible to repair; hearts and relationships are broken more often than physical objects. In such cases, your efforts should focus on restoring the other person's dignity. The question "What else do you want me to do?" can start this process. If you ask it sincerely, really listen to the answer and act on the other party's suggestions, you'll be honoring their feelings, perspective and experience. The knowledge that one is heard and valued has incredible healing power; it can mend even seemingly irreparable wounds.
When you really apologize, you should feel good about yourself. An effective apology is, as Lazare puts it, "an act of honesty, an act of humility, an act of commitment, an act of generosity, and an act of courage."
But there's no guarantee that the other person involved will share your warm fuzzies. The final gallant act of apology is to release your former victim from any expectation of forgiveness. No matter how noble you have been, he will forgive -- or refuse to forgive -- on his own terms. That is his right.
Anne Lamott refers to forgiveness as "giving up all hope of having had a different past." The same words apply to apologizing. An apology is the end of our struggle with history, the act by which we untangle from our past by accepting what it actually was. From this truthful place we are free to move forward, whether or not we are forgiven. Apologizing doesn't make us perfect, but it shows our commitment to be honest about our imperfections and steadfast in our efforts to do better.
It reminds us of what Ali MacGraw's Love Story character died too young to learn: that love means always being willing to say you're sorry.
Article from O, The Oprah Magazine, September 2004. © 2007 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
3E = I recalled one the most powerful sayings about forgiveness that I have adopted since 2 years ago. "When you forgive someone you are setting the prisoner free, which later on you realize that the prisoner was yourself." Bitterness and anger are very destructive elements that we have to get rid CONTINUOUSLY from our life. Learning to apologize correctly and effectively is not solving the whole puzzle. Only half of it. We need to learn to forgive as well to complete the whole picture of the puzzle. So that we know it is not easy to forgive and thus, discourage us to do unnecessary things that can potentially hurt others. Asking forgiveness and Forgiving others are not our innate traits as a human being. These are traits that NEED TO and CAN BE developed. There is always price to pay for a better life. If we want the best life for ourselves, we better learn start from now the best we can to ask for forgiveness and forgive others.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
LEARNING TO LIVE
by Amber Thomure
In life we all learn to walk and talk, we struggle to survive. To learn to live though is another atter. We tend to acquire that knowledge the hard way. I realized this when my father died. I wanted to do so much more with him and now that I see how short life is, I understand the importance of putting first things first. I have chosen to live life as a participant, not a spectator; my first experience with death actually taught me how to live.
I can recall the day clearly; it was August 27th, 1991. It was a beautiful bright sunny day just outside of Sacramento California, my father and I spent his last day alive at the State Fair. We were there all day long, from open to close. We did everything we could: saw all the exhibits, rode all the rides, played all the games and of course ate our fair share of cotton candy and snacks. Towards the end of the day he was getting tired and slowing down. At the time I really didn't think much of it, we were both wearing thin. Now of course I realize what was happening, he was starting to have a heart attack.
Once we got home I was out like a light, but before I fell asleep I remember thinking that this was the best day of my life. I was definitely "Daddy's Girl" and that day I had him all to myself, something that was very rare. That was the last night for many years I could fall asleep feeling like everything in my life was okay and all was well in the world. I was young, just thirteen years old, I was naive and my father was my personal hero. I had no idea something like that would or even could ever happen to me, or to him. As a child I lost my father and he lost his life. I was of course devastated when my mother woke me up in the wee hours of the morning to tell me the news.
The next few years were difficult; my entire world had been shredded, torn apart and turned upside down. My mom and I ended up moving, her to Arizona and me to here, there and everywhere. I stayed with friends and acquaintances, I felt isolated for quite some time. There were no more fair days, no more piggy back rides, no more "Daddy's Little Girl". I turned to my family and faith for guidance and support. Although it was a fight I ultimately learned that living is more important than surviving.
As adults it's easy to miss out on life, at least the part that matters. Jobs, problems, or whatever the pressing issues of the day are, can easily overshadow what matters most to us. Things like family, friends and our own happiness are often neglected or pushed to the back burner. We say we want to spend time with the people we love, so then why don't we? Why is it that we spend our time on other things? Imagine that you are sick, really sick, would the world keep going? Then what if you took a vacation day every once in awhile, would everything really fall apart? Of course the world would keep turning; the reality is, the world will keep going once we are gone. We all have to find time to turn off our cell phones and really be there for each other, to live.
It took me many years and a lot of soul searching to come to this point, but my personal mission statement is "I will not just survive, I will live". That same statement will mean a variety of things to other people, but here's what it means to me. Buy the perfect dress, eat ice cream for breakfast, go on the trip of a lifetime. Just stay true to yourself and focused on what matters most , it does not mean is to be irresponsible or live each day as if were your last. We all have bills to pay and responsibilities to meet. However, there are ways of enjoying life and still meeting your obligations. Be the first one to jump in the pool, sing karaoke in front of your friends, just live your life so you don't look back and say I wish I would have done more, or I missed out. Just getting the most out of life, to me that is truly living.
The way I see it is, the smallest tasks can be the greatest gifts. We can decide that everyday is valuable and treat it so. Routine jobs can be thought of events, things like grocery shopping or driving to work can be looked at in a positive way. We can sing in the shower, we can have a blast making dinner, its all in our perspective and how we choose to live.
I am married now and my husband and I have a son together, we both want him to be able to look back at his childhood and know that he was important. We work at spending time together, and by spending I don't mean in the sense that "Time is Money" because its not. It's much more valuable than that. We make a point do things as a family, whether it's a vacation to Hawaii, a trip to the circus or just watching TV we do it together. I believe that we show him our love, by enjoying the simple things with him, through our actions not only our words.
We were all born and will all die, the question is what will happen in between. Will you simply walk or will you skip and dance? Will you only talk or can you listen and sing? Will you survive or will you live? My father may not have had a long life, but he lived!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Amber Thomure is 29 years old, and wrote this paper for her English 101 class. The assignment was to write a narrative essay on one of your "firsts"; first date, first kiss, or first experience with death or serious illness. Amber chose to write about her first experience with death, her father's. She is just returning to school after 10 years, knowing that she was a little rusty she really put a lot of work into this paper. She thought she it was an "A" paper. Her teacher gave her a "C", saying that it was very good but that it was inspirational rather than narrative. Amber has been a subscriber to MDI for some time and thought if it inspired him, it may inspire others. What do you think? Amber can be reached at athomure@aol.com
3E= Well said. As a psychologist once said, that the greatest driver of a human being is the need to be appreciated. What you sow is what you reap. If you want everyone and everything in your life to appreciate you to the maximum, then learn to appreciate life itself by start living, not only surviving....EVERY DAY!
In life we all learn to walk and talk, we struggle to survive. To learn to live though is another atter. We tend to acquire that knowledge the hard way. I realized this when my father died. I wanted to do so much more with him and now that I see how short life is, I understand the importance of putting first things first. I have chosen to live life as a participant, not a spectator; my first experience with death actually taught me how to live.
I can recall the day clearly; it was August 27th, 1991. It was a beautiful bright sunny day just outside of Sacramento California, my father and I spent his last day alive at the State Fair. We were there all day long, from open to close. We did everything we could: saw all the exhibits, rode all the rides, played all the games and of course ate our fair share of cotton candy and snacks. Towards the end of the day he was getting tired and slowing down. At the time I really didn't think much of it, we were both wearing thin. Now of course I realize what was happening, he was starting to have a heart attack.
Once we got home I was out like a light, but before I fell asleep I remember thinking that this was the best day of my life. I was definitely "Daddy's Girl" and that day I had him all to myself, something that was very rare. That was the last night for many years I could fall asleep feeling like everything in my life was okay and all was well in the world. I was young, just thirteen years old, I was naive and my father was my personal hero. I had no idea something like that would or even could ever happen to me, or to him. As a child I lost my father and he lost his life. I was of course devastated when my mother woke me up in the wee hours of the morning to tell me the news.
The next few years were difficult; my entire world had been shredded, torn apart and turned upside down. My mom and I ended up moving, her to Arizona and me to here, there and everywhere. I stayed with friends and acquaintances, I felt isolated for quite some time. There were no more fair days, no more piggy back rides, no more "Daddy's Little Girl". I turned to my family and faith for guidance and support. Although it was a fight I ultimately learned that living is more important than surviving.
As adults it's easy to miss out on life, at least the part that matters. Jobs, problems, or whatever the pressing issues of the day are, can easily overshadow what matters most to us. Things like family, friends and our own happiness are often neglected or pushed to the back burner. We say we want to spend time with the people we love, so then why don't we? Why is it that we spend our time on other things? Imagine that you are sick, really sick, would the world keep going? Then what if you took a vacation day every once in awhile, would everything really fall apart? Of course the world would keep turning; the reality is, the world will keep going once we are gone. We all have to find time to turn off our cell phones and really be there for each other, to live.
It took me many years and a lot of soul searching to come to this point, but my personal mission statement is "I will not just survive, I will live". That same statement will mean a variety of things to other people, but here's what it means to me. Buy the perfect dress, eat ice cream for breakfast, go on the trip of a lifetime. Just stay true to yourself and focused on what matters most , it does not mean is to be irresponsible or live each day as if were your last. We all have bills to pay and responsibilities to meet. However, there are ways of enjoying life and still meeting your obligations. Be the first one to jump in the pool, sing karaoke in front of your friends, just live your life so you don't look back and say I wish I would have done more, or I missed out. Just getting the most out of life, to me that is truly living.
The way I see it is, the smallest tasks can be the greatest gifts. We can decide that everyday is valuable and treat it so. Routine jobs can be thought of events, things like grocery shopping or driving to work can be looked at in a positive way. We can sing in the shower, we can have a blast making dinner, its all in our perspective and how we choose to live.
I am married now and my husband and I have a son together, we both want him to be able to look back at his childhood and know that he was important. We work at spending time together, and by spending I don't mean in the sense that "Time is Money" because its not. It's much more valuable than that. We make a point do things as a family, whether it's a vacation to Hawaii, a trip to the circus or just watching TV we do it together. I believe that we show him our love, by enjoying the simple things with him, through our actions not only our words.
We were all born and will all die, the question is what will happen in between. Will you simply walk or will you skip and dance? Will you only talk or can you listen and sing? Will you survive or will you live? My father may not have had a long life, but he lived!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Amber Thomure is 29 years old, and wrote this paper for her English 101 class. The assignment was to write a narrative essay on one of your "firsts"; first date, first kiss, or first experience with death or serious illness. Amber chose to write about her first experience with death, her father's. She is just returning to school after 10 years, knowing that she was a little rusty she really put a lot of work into this paper. She thought she it was an "A" paper. Her teacher gave her a "C", saying that it was very good but that it was inspirational rather than narrative. Amber has been a subscriber to MDI for some time and thought if it inspired him, it may inspire others. What do you think? Amber can be reached at athomure@aol.com
3E= Well said. As a psychologist once said, that the greatest driver of a human being is the need to be appreciated. What you sow is what you reap. If you want everyone and everything in your life to appreciate you to the maximum, then learn to appreciate life itself by start living, not only surviving....EVERY DAY!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
The Struggle
© Tony Masiello 2006
What do butterflies have in common with the human spirit? Meet Maggie, a middle aged wife and mother who was about to find out.
Maggie wasn't rich like a millionaire or poor in a manner of being homeless. She was living an average comfortable life. It was made even better when a beautiful baby girl came her way. She and her husband made sure their daughter had her needs met and they were still able to take a yearly vacation by the beach.
Maggie was a partner in her husband's business. They both had a different set of duties which kept everything in balance. One day a devastating blow came to her husband's business, and over a three year period the business dropped out of site. Her husband had to totally reinvent himself and was yearning to fulfill a dream with a new vocation. She was happy for him and supported him fully, but still the money was not coming in.
Maggie began to feel guilty that she wasn't contributing with any kind of income. It had been a long time since she had worked outside the home and had to work for someone else. Needless to say she was scared but still had faith that everything would be okay. She began job hunting and found filling out applications somewhat difficult, especially the part asking for job references. Keep in mind that she was self-employed with her husband for almost 20 years. It felt as though that didn't count for anything as she was never called for an interview.
At the time she was job hunting her mom became more ill than she had been and ended up in the hospital for a week. Once Maggie's mom returned home she became her mom's helper one day a week. She did the shopping, changed sheets, vacuumed and did other things that her mother was not able to do anymore. Of course her mom would pay her for her time and labor
but she still felt she needed to find another source of income.
One of the first applications she had filled out finally came through. She passed the interview with flying colors and was told she was "exactly" what they were looking for. Although it was only part time it was exactly what she wanted. It was important for her to be home when her daughter arrived home from school. She was told they would be in touch when the schedule was ready. Knowing she had the job made her feel contented and productive again.
Within a few weeks though, she received an e-mail saying that the company had changed the job into a full time position and she was not qualified. Maggie was devastated. She felt betrayed and felt she had been lied to. That evening she was alone as her husband and daughter had gone out for the night. She welcomed the aloneness and wanted to drown her sorrows in a hot tub of
bubbles.
As she knew she would, she began to cry, softly at first just from the sheer pain of being rejected. Three long years of struggle had finally caught up with her. Then she became angry; angry at everything from the circumstances that got her there, to God himself. She cried harder and yelled, "What do you want me to do?" She really felt that God had abandoned her.
When she was able to cry no more, she became exhausted and gave up. It was at that moment that a silent idea came to her to offer other elderly people home care assistance.
Using another talent for computers she printed off some flyers and cards and distributed them to her church, grocery stores and even placed a small ad in the newspaper. Within a week she had procured two new clients.
Now, even though she's not a CEO of a major company or a power player she feels happy and productive again. So, had God really abandoned her? Let's look at nature for the lessons and the answer.
Before a butterfly can emerge out of it's chrysalis it has to go through a lot of struggling. Yes, struggling. Each time it lunges out to escape, acids are being removed from its wings. If someone were to come along and break the chrysalis open for it then the butterfly would die from those acids. In essence the struggle is necessary for the butterfly to survive. Then in the stillness, when the struggle is over, the butterfly can come out and share its beauty with the world.
We as humans are not any different. There are times that we need to struggle, to rid ourselves of the acids that make up sadness, fear, and anger. It is only at this time when we are exhausted and still that we begin to hear the Universe whisper to us.
3E: there is always a price to pay for everything that is worth it in life. The question now is no longer, "Can I do it?" because every struggle that we will go through, will eventually takes us to the next level of life, the butterfly stages for our own chrysalis. Because persistency is the mother of success. But the question now has become, " Will I do it?"
Every single life-impacting decision that we make, start with a single answer. The answer for that question. Thus, make your decision today to be persistent, to change, and to impact others. Never give up while you are struggling through your own chrysalis. Because an opportunity of a lifetime has to be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity itself. We won't see the glory of the opportunity if we give up now.
What do butterflies have in common with the human spirit? Meet Maggie, a middle aged wife and mother who was about to find out.
Maggie wasn't rich like a millionaire or poor in a manner of being homeless. She was living an average comfortable life. It was made even better when a beautiful baby girl came her way. She and her husband made sure their daughter had her needs met and they were still able to take a yearly vacation by the beach.
Maggie was a partner in her husband's business. They both had a different set of duties which kept everything in balance. One day a devastating blow came to her husband's business, and over a three year period the business dropped out of site. Her husband had to totally reinvent himself and was yearning to fulfill a dream with a new vocation. She was happy for him and supported him fully, but still the money was not coming in.
Maggie began to feel guilty that she wasn't contributing with any kind of income. It had been a long time since she had worked outside the home and had to work for someone else. Needless to say she was scared but still had faith that everything would be okay. She began job hunting and found filling out applications somewhat difficult, especially the part asking for job references. Keep in mind that she was self-employed with her husband for almost 20 years. It felt as though that didn't count for anything as she was never called for an interview.
At the time she was job hunting her mom became more ill than she had been and ended up in the hospital for a week. Once Maggie's mom returned home she became her mom's helper one day a week. She did the shopping, changed sheets, vacuumed and did other things that her mother was not able to do anymore. Of course her mom would pay her for her time and labor
but she still felt she needed to find another source of income.
One of the first applications she had filled out finally came through. She passed the interview with flying colors and was told she was "exactly" what they were looking for. Although it was only part time it was exactly what she wanted. It was important for her to be home when her daughter arrived home from school. She was told they would be in touch when the schedule was ready. Knowing she had the job made her feel contented and productive again.
Within a few weeks though, she received an e-mail saying that the company had changed the job into a full time position and she was not qualified. Maggie was devastated. She felt betrayed and felt she had been lied to. That evening she was alone as her husband and daughter had gone out for the night. She welcomed the aloneness and wanted to drown her sorrows in a hot tub of
bubbles.
As she knew she would, she began to cry, softly at first just from the sheer pain of being rejected. Three long years of struggle had finally caught up with her. Then she became angry; angry at everything from the circumstances that got her there, to God himself. She cried harder and yelled, "What do you want me to do?" She really felt that God had abandoned her.
When she was able to cry no more, she became exhausted and gave up. It was at that moment that a silent idea came to her to offer other elderly people home care assistance.
Using another talent for computers she printed off some flyers and cards and distributed them to her church, grocery stores and even placed a small ad in the newspaper. Within a week she had procured two new clients.
Now, even though she's not a CEO of a major company or a power player she feels happy and productive again. So, had God really abandoned her? Let's look at nature for the lessons and the answer.
Before a butterfly can emerge out of it's chrysalis it has to go through a lot of struggling. Yes, struggling. Each time it lunges out to escape, acids are being removed from its wings. If someone were to come along and break the chrysalis open for it then the butterfly would die from those acids. In essence the struggle is necessary for the butterfly to survive. Then in the stillness, when the struggle is over, the butterfly can come out and share its beauty with the world.
We as humans are not any different. There are times that we need to struggle, to rid ourselves of the acids that make up sadness, fear, and anger. It is only at this time when we are exhausted and still that we begin to hear the Universe whisper to us.
3E: there is always a price to pay for everything that is worth it in life. The question now is no longer, "Can I do it?" because every struggle that we will go through, will eventually takes us to the next level of life, the butterfly stages for our own chrysalis. Because persistency is the mother of success. But the question now has become, " Will I do it?"
Every single life-impacting decision that we make, start with a single answer. The answer for that question. Thus, make your decision today to be persistent, to change, and to impact others. Never give up while you are struggling through your own chrysalis. Because an opportunity of a lifetime has to be seized in the lifetime of the opportunity itself. We won't see the glory of the opportunity if we give up now.
3E= Enterpreneur, Entertainer, Educator
The ability to get the job done in full creativity and beyond expectation, no matter what it takes. That's the spirit of an Enterpreneur.
The ability to show people that life is full of hope and operate best in laughter and joy. That's the spirit of an Entertainer.
The ability to influence changes in mind, thus alternate the life's courses of others for eternity. That's the spirit of an Educator.
So who am I? I am Jimmy and I am a 3E: Enterpreneur, Entertainer, Educator.
The ability to show people that life is full of hope and operate best in laughter and joy. That's the spirit of an Entertainer.
The ability to influence changes in mind, thus alternate the life's courses of others for eternity. That's the spirit of an Educator.
So who am I? I am Jimmy and I am a 3E: Enterpreneur, Entertainer, Educator.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
POPULARITY VERSUS PRODUCTIVITY
taken from Leadership Wired - June 2007.
Popularity and productivity sound like fraternal twins, but in reality they can look as different as Paris Hilton and Warren Buffet. If productivity is a Honda Civic, then popularity is a Lamborghini Diablo with a bad transmission. In leadership, substance trumps style—every time.
A Popular Flop
Among the litany of dotcom flameouts, Pets.com is notable for the mass popularity it achieved, and infamous for its failure to generate even a cent of profit. As a 1998 startup, Pets.com was founded upon the idea of selling pet supplies to online shoppers. The darling of venture capitalists, Pets.com raised a spectacular $82.5 million of capital during its initial public offering in 2000. Shortly thereafter, Pets.com poured $1.2 million into a Super Bowl commercial. Featuring the company mascot, a sock puppet dog, the advertisement was a smash hit and was voted the best Super Bowl ad by USA Today. The business’ catchy slogan “Because Pets Can't Drive!” announced its arrival to the American market, and consumers flocked to the company’s website. Fellow dotcom, Amazon, even bought into the craze—literally—purchasing 50% ownership of Pets.com.
Unfortunately for Pets.com (and fans of their sock puppet mascot), they never garnered enough business to offset massive startup costs sunk into warehousing and marketing. The dotcom bubble burst and financing dried up. Only nine months after going public, Pets.com went out of business. In short, Pets.com lacked a productive business model which could translate popularity into profits.
Lovable Losers
The Chicago Cubs epitomize the concept of the popular, but ineffective franchise. Nicknamed, “The Lovable Losers” by their fans, the Cubs consistently play their way to the bottom of the standings, despite having one of the higher payrolls in Major League Baseball. Although the Cubs have endeared themselves to Chicagoans, who pack Wrigley Field for every game, the team cannot seem to deliver results. With each passing year of futility, the Cubs prove how disconnected popularity can be from performance.
Leadership Application
What can leaders learn from Pets.com and the Chicago Cubs? Well, a couple of simple lessons.
First, as the proverb says, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” A prudent leader looks past appearances to discern the heart of a matter. Perhaps it’s the potential hire with the glittering resume, who, upon further review, falsified his achievements. Or maybe it’s a potential partner with the captivating sales pitch, who after being researched, turns out to have a track record of unethical behavior. Or possibly it’s a sparkling business opportunity that promises growth and brand recognition, but, after being reviewed, would clearly steer the company away from its mission.
Second, leaders build margins not image. A leader may be forced to take unpopular stands for the good of the company. Popularity isn’t bad, but decisions made solely on the basis of popular opinion can be devastating. Leaving a plush corporate campus for smaller, more functional office space doesn’t earn a leader a pat on the back, but it may protect the company from financial doom. Layoffs are agonizingly unpopular, but they may the only solution to a downturn in the economy. Leaders are willing to endure the criticism of making tough calls that fly in the face of popular opinion.
Popularity and productivity sound like fraternal twins, but in reality they can look as different as Paris Hilton and Warren Buffet. If productivity is a Honda Civic, then popularity is a Lamborghini Diablo with a bad transmission. In leadership, substance trumps style—every time.
A Popular Flop
Among the litany of dotcom flameouts, Pets.com is notable for the mass popularity it achieved, and infamous for its failure to generate even a cent of profit. As a 1998 startup, Pets.com was founded upon the idea of selling pet supplies to online shoppers. The darling of venture capitalists, Pets.com raised a spectacular $82.5 million of capital during its initial public offering in 2000. Shortly thereafter, Pets.com poured $1.2 million into a Super Bowl commercial. Featuring the company mascot, a sock puppet dog, the advertisement was a smash hit and was voted the best Super Bowl ad by USA Today. The business’ catchy slogan “Because Pets Can't Drive!” announced its arrival to the American market, and consumers flocked to the company’s website. Fellow dotcom, Amazon, even bought into the craze—literally—purchasing 50% ownership of Pets.com.
Unfortunately for Pets.com (and fans of their sock puppet mascot), they never garnered enough business to offset massive startup costs sunk into warehousing and marketing. The dotcom bubble burst and financing dried up. Only nine months after going public, Pets.com went out of business. In short, Pets.com lacked a productive business model which could translate popularity into profits.
Lovable Losers
The Chicago Cubs epitomize the concept of the popular, but ineffective franchise. Nicknamed, “The Lovable Losers” by their fans, the Cubs consistently play their way to the bottom of the standings, despite having one of the higher payrolls in Major League Baseball. Although the Cubs have endeared themselves to Chicagoans, who pack Wrigley Field for every game, the team cannot seem to deliver results. With each passing year of futility, the Cubs prove how disconnected popularity can be from performance.
Leadership Application
What can leaders learn from Pets.com and the Chicago Cubs? Well, a couple of simple lessons.
First, as the proverb says, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” A prudent leader looks past appearances to discern the heart of a matter. Perhaps it’s the potential hire with the glittering resume, who, upon further review, falsified his achievements. Or maybe it’s a potential partner with the captivating sales pitch, who after being researched, turns out to have a track record of unethical behavior. Or possibly it’s a sparkling business opportunity that promises growth and brand recognition, but, after being reviewed, would clearly steer the company away from its mission.
Second, leaders build margins not image. A leader may be forced to take unpopular stands for the good of the company. Popularity isn’t bad, but decisions made solely on the basis of popular opinion can be devastating. Leaving a plush corporate campus for smaller, more functional office space doesn’t earn a leader a pat on the back, but it may protect the company from financial doom. Layoffs are agonizingly unpopular, but they may the only solution to a downturn in the economy. Leaders are willing to endure the criticism of making tough calls that fly in the face of popular opinion.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Learning to Listen
Author Unknown
We all know what it's like to get that phone call in the middle of the night. This night was no different. Jerking up to the ringing summons, I focused on the red, illuminated numbers of my clock. It was midnight and panicky thoughts filled my sleep-dazed mind as I grabbed the receiver.
'Hello?' My heart pounded, I gripped the phone tighter and eyed my husband, who was now turning to face my side of the bed. 'Mum?' The voice answered. I could hardly hear the whisper over the static. But my thoughts immediately went to my daughter. When the desperate sound of a young crying voice became clear on the line, I grabbed for my husband and squeezed his wrist.
'Mum, I know it's late. But don't ... don't say anything until I finish. And before you ask, yes I've been drinking. I nearly ran off the road a few miles back and...' I drew in a sharp, shallow breath, released my husband and pressed my hand against my forehead. Sleep still fogged my mind, and I attempted to fight back the panic. Something wasn't right.
'... and I got so scared. All I could think of was how it would hurt you if a policeman came to your door and said I'd been killed. I want to come home. I know running away was wrong. I know you've been worried sick. I should have called you days ago but I was afraid, afraid ...'
Sobs of deep-felt emotion flowed from the receiver and poured into my heart. Immediately I pictured my daughter's face in my mind, and my fogged senses seemed to clear, 'I think .... '
'No! Please let me finish! Please!' She pleaded, not so much in anger, but in desperation. I paused and tried to think what to say. Before I could go on, she continued. 'I'm pregnant, Mum. I know I shouldn't be drinking now ... especially now, but I'm scared, Mum. So scared!'
The voice broke again, and I bit into my lip, feeling my own eyes fill with moisture. I looked up at my husband, who sat silently mouthing, 'Who is it?'
I shook my head and when I didn't answer, he jumped up and left the room, returning seconds later with a portable phone held to his ear. She must have heard the click in the line because she asked, 'Are you still there? Please don't hang up on me! I need you. I feel so alone.'
I clutched the phone and stared at my husband, seeking guidance. 'I'm here, I wouldn't hang up,' I said. 'I should have told you, mum. I know I should have told you. But, when we talk, you just keep telling me what I should do. You read all those pamphlets on how to talk about sex and all, but all you do is talk. You don't listen to me. You never let me tell you how I feel. It is as if my feelings aren't important. Because you're my mother you think you have all the answers. But sometimes I don't need answers. I just want someone to listen.'
I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the how-to-talk-to-your-kids pamphlets scattered on my nightstand. 'I'm listening,' I whispered. 'You know, back there on the road after I got the car under control, I started thinking about the baby and taking care of it. Then I saw this phone booth and it was as if I could hear you preaching to me about how people shouldn't drink and drive. So I called a taxi. I want to come home.'
'That's good honey,' I said, relief filling my chest. My husband came closer, sat down beside me and laced his fingers through mine.
'But you know, I think I can drive now.'
'No!' I snapped. My muscles stiffened and I tightened the clasp on my husband's hand. 'Please, wait for the taxi. Don't hang up on me until the taxi gets there.'
'I just want to come home, Mum.'
'I know. But do this for your Mum. Wait for the taxi, please.'
I listened to the silence in fear. When I didn't hear her answer, I bit into my lip and closed my eyes. Somehow I had to stop her from driving. 'There's the taxi now.' Only when I heard someone in the background asking about a Yellow Cab did I feel my tension easing.
'I'm coming home, Mum.' There was a click, and the phone went silent. Moving from the bed, tears forming in my eyes, I walked out into the hall and went to stand in my 16-year-old daughter's room. My husband came from behind, wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. 'We have to learn to listen,' I said to him. He studied me for a second, and then asked, 'Do you think she'll ever know she dialed the wrong number?'
I looked at our sleeping daughter, then back at him. 'Maybe it wasn't such a wrong number.'
'Mum, Dad, what are you doing?' The muffled voice came from under the covers. I walked over to my daughter, who now sat up staring into the darkness. "We're practicing," I answered. "Practicing what?'" she mumbled and lay back on the mattress, but her eyes already closed in slumber. "Listening," I whispered and brushed a hand over her cheek.
We all know what it's like to get that phone call in the middle of the night. This night was no different. Jerking up to the ringing summons, I focused on the red, illuminated numbers of my clock. It was midnight and panicky thoughts filled my sleep-dazed mind as I grabbed the receiver.
'Hello?' My heart pounded, I gripped the phone tighter and eyed my husband, who was now turning to face my side of the bed. 'Mum?' The voice answered. I could hardly hear the whisper over the static. But my thoughts immediately went to my daughter. When the desperate sound of a young crying voice became clear on the line, I grabbed for my husband and squeezed his wrist.
'Mum, I know it's late. But don't ... don't say anything until I finish. And before you ask, yes I've been drinking. I nearly ran off the road a few miles back and...' I drew in a sharp, shallow breath, released my husband and pressed my hand against my forehead. Sleep still fogged my mind, and I attempted to fight back the panic. Something wasn't right.
'... and I got so scared. All I could think of was how it would hurt you if a policeman came to your door and said I'd been killed. I want to come home. I know running away was wrong. I know you've been worried sick. I should have called you days ago but I was afraid, afraid ...'
Sobs of deep-felt emotion flowed from the receiver and poured into my heart. Immediately I pictured my daughter's face in my mind, and my fogged senses seemed to clear, 'I think .... '
'No! Please let me finish! Please!' She pleaded, not so much in anger, but in desperation. I paused and tried to think what to say. Before I could go on, she continued. 'I'm pregnant, Mum. I know I shouldn't be drinking now ... especially now, but I'm scared, Mum. So scared!'
The voice broke again, and I bit into my lip, feeling my own eyes fill with moisture. I looked up at my husband, who sat silently mouthing, 'Who is it?'
I shook my head and when I didn't answer, he jumped up and left the room, returning seconds later with a portable phone held to his ear. She must have heard the click in the line because she asked, 'Are you still there? Please don't hang up on me! I need you. I feel so alone.'
I clutched the phone and stared at my husband, seeking guidance. 'I'm here, I wouldn't hang up,' I said. 'I should have told you, mum. I know I should have told you. But, when we talk, you just keep telling me what I should do. You read all those pamphlets on how to talk about sex and all, but all you do is talk. You don't listen to me. You never let me tell you how I feel. It is as if my feelings aren't important. Because you're my mother you think you have all the answers. But sometimes I don't need answers. I just want someone to listen.'
I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the how-to-talk-to-your-kids pamphlets scattered on my nightstand. 'I'm listening,' I whispered. 'You know, back there on the road after I got the car under control, I started thinking about the baby and taking care of it. Then I saw this phone booth and it was as if I could hear you preaching to me about how people shouldn't drink and drive. So I called a taxi. I want to come home.'
'That's good honey,' I said, relief filling my chest. My husband came closer, sat down beside me and laced his fingers through mine.
'But you know, I think I can drive now.'
'No!' I snapped. My muscles stiffened and I tightened the clasp on my husband's hand. 'Please, wait for the taxi. Don't hang up on me until the taxi gets there.'
'I just want to come home, Mum.'
'I know. But do this for your Mum. Wait for the taxi, please.'
I listened to the silence in fear. When I didn't hear her answer, I bit into my lip and closed my eyes. Somehow I had to stop her from driving. 'There's the taxi now.' Only when I heard someone in the background asking about a Yellow Cab did I feel my tension easing.
'I'm coming home, Mum.' There was a click, and the phone went silent. Moving from the bed, tears forming in my eyes, I walked out into the hall and went to stand in my 16-year-old daughter's room. My husband came from behind, wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my head.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. 'We have to learn to listen,' I said to him. He studied me for a second, and then asked, 'Do you think she'll ever know she dialed the wrong number?'
I looked at our sleeping daughter, then back at him. 'Maybe it wasn't such a wrong number.'
'Mum, Dad, what are you doing?' The muffled voice came from under the covers. I walked over to my daughter, who now sat up staring into the darkness. "We're practicing," I answered. "Practicing what?'" she mumbled and lay back on the mattress, but her eyes already closed in slumber. "Listening," I whispered and brushed a hand over her cheek.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Respect and Give
I've learned one important lesson last weekend from my life-coach.
A statement that complete all the puzzles about respect and giving.
"Respect others not because for who they are, but for who we are."
A statement that complete all the puzzles about respect and giving.
"Respect others not because for who they are, but for who we are."
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Discouragement
“What we do not see, what most of us never suspect of existing, is the silent but irresistible power which comes to the rescue of those who fight on in the face of discouragement.”
~ Napoleon Hill
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”
~ Dale Carnegie
Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.
~ Roger Crawford
~ Napoleon Hill
“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”
~ Dale Carnegie
Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.
~ Roger Crawford
Monday, June 25, 2007
Rumba
I love to dance...I used to learn rumba - the dance of love.
It felt kinda magical in a sense. Following the music and guiding your fellow friend to be in harmony with you.
It reminds me to always enjoy life.
Wayne Dyer put it perfectly in his quote
"When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way."
It is good to be goal-oriented. But it is much better to be growth-oriented. enjoying every steps of your way toward your goals. Knowing that you have become a better person every day!
So if you stressed out today, learn to stop for awhile and look around. Be thankful for everything that you got!
and remember that what you are today is God's gift to you and what you will become is your gift back to Him.
As my best friends in Vancouver wrote to me in front of my giant birthday's card
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." --Ferris Bueller.
We live just once...so live it to the fullest one more time!
It felt kinda magical in a sense. Following the music and guiding your fellow friend to be in harmony with you.
It reminds me to always enjoy life.
Wayne Dyer put it perfectly in his quote
"When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way."
It is good to be goal-oriented. But it is much better to be growth-oriented. enjoying every steps of your way toward your goals. Knowing that you have become a better person every day!
So if you stressed out today, learn to stop for awhile and look around. Be thankful for everything that you got!
and remember that what you are today is God's gift to you and what you will become is your gift back to Him.
As my best friends in Vancouver wrote to me in front of my giant birthday's card
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." --Ferris Bueller.
We live just once...so live it to the fullest one more time!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Principled Leadership
PRINCIPLED LEADERSHIP
How could a person be punched, kicked, and spat upon, yet remain composed? How on earth could a group of people repeatedly absorb hateful taunts and ethnic slurs without retaliating in kind? What would motivate a person willingly to endure the emotional humiliation and physical abuse of an adversary?
In 1957, Martin Luther King, Jr. spelled out his peaceful strategy of non-violent resistance to racism in America.
“At the center of nonviolence stands the principle of love. In struggling for human dignity the oppressed people of the world must not allow themselves to become bitter or indulge in hate campaigns. To retaliate with hate and bitterness would do nothing but intensify the hate in the world. Along the way of life, someone must have sense enough and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate. This can be done only by projecting the ethics of love to the center of our lives.”
Martin Luther King’s principled leadership inspired a generation of young civil rights protestors to embrace the peaceful strategy of non-violent resistance—even when they endured violent acts of bigotry.
The history of the civil rights movement in America is filled with stories of heroism in the face of hatred. But perhaps no single incident tested King’s principle of non-violent resistance better than Bloody Sunday—the name historians have attached to a monumental protest march in Alabama.
On March 7, 1965, around 600 civil rights marchers planned to walk from Selma, Alabama to the state courthouse in Montgomery. In accordance to Dr. King’s strategy of non-violent resistance, they were peacefully protesting the harassments which prevented blacks from voting. On the outskirts of Selma, the marchers arrived at the Edmund Pettus Bridge where they encountered a blockade of state troopers and local patrolmen.
Despite warnings not to cross the bridge, the protestors forged forward and were viscously attacked. The troopers and patrolmen struck them with billy clubs, whipped them, stabbed them with cattle prods, and showered them with tear gas. Amazingly, the marchers chose not to fight back, and were beaten mercilessly. Journalists snapped horrific pictures of the violence to capture its brutality. Images of bruised and bloodied protestors quickly flooded the news outlets to give America a sickening glimpse of the assault.
By holding true to the principle of non-violence, the Selma marchers were able to prick America’s conscience with the moral justification of their cause. Their message of freedom and equality spoke loudly through their silence as they underwent painful beatings. By sacrificing their physical well-being, the protestors at Selma won a major moral victory for the cause of African-Americans in the United States.
Martin Luther King, through his unwavering belief that love was more powerful than hate, transformed the way we view race in America. His principled leadership of brave civil rights protestors helped to make the dream of equal rights a reality for blacks across the country.
For more thoughts on principled leadership, visit the Ivey Business Journal’s online site and browse Principled Leadership: Taking the Hard Right by authors Gerard H. Seijts and Hon. David Kilgour. http://www.iveybusinessjournal.com/article.asp?intArticle_ID=688
How could a person be punched, kicked, and spat upon, yet remain composed? How on earth could a group of people repeatedly absorb hateful taunts and ethnic slurs without retaliating in kind? What would motivate a person willingly to endure the emotional humiliation and physical abuse of an adversary?
In 1957, Martin Luther King, Jr. spelled out his peaceful strategy of non-violent resistance to racism in America.
“At the center of nonviolence stands the principle of love. In struggling for human dignity the oppressed people of the world must not allow themselves to become bitter or indulge in hate campaigns. To retaliate with hate and bitterness would do nothing but intensify the hate in the world. Along the way of life, someone must have sense enough and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate. This can be done only by projecting the ethics of love to the center of our lives.”
Martin Luther King’s principled leadership inspired a generation of young civil rights protestors to embrace the peaceful strategy of non-violent resistance—even when they endured violent acts of bigotry.
The history of the civil rights movement in America is filled with stories of heroism in the face of hatred. But perhaps no single incident tested King’s principle of non-violent resistance better than Bloody Sunday—the name historians have attached to a monumental protest march in Alabama.
On March 7, 1965, around 600 civil rights marchers planned to walk from Selma, Alabama to the state courthouse in Montgomery. In accordance to Dr. King’s strategy of non-violent resistance, they were peacefully protesting the harassments which prevented blacks from voting. On the outskirts of Selma, the marchers arrived at the Edmund Pettus Bridge where they encountered a blockade of state troopers and local patrolmen.
Despite warnings not to cross the bridge, the protestors forged forward and were viscously attacked. The troopers and patrolmen struck them with billy clubs, whipped them, stabbed them with cattle prods, and showered them with tear gas. Amazingly, the marchers chose not to fight back, and were beaten mercilessly. Journalists snapped horrific pictures of the violence to capture its brutality. Images of bruised and bloodied protestors quickly flooded the news outlets to give America a sickening glimpse of the assault.
By holding true to the principle of non-violence, the Selma marchers were able to prick America’s conscience with the moral justification of their cause. Their message of freedom and equality spoke loudly through their silence as they underwent painful beatings. By sacrificing their physical well-being, the protestors at Selma won a major moral victory for the cause of African-Americans in the United States.
Martin Luther King, through his unwavering belief that love was more powerful than hate, transformed the way we view race in America. His principled leadership of brave civil rights protestors helped to make the dream of equal rights a reality for blacks across the country.
For more thoughts on principled leadership, visit the Ivey Business Journal’s online site and browse Principled Leadership: Taking the Hard Right by authors Gerard H. Seijts and Hon. David Kilgour. http://www.iveybusinessjournal.com/article.asp?intArticle_ID=688
Thursday, June 14, 2007
We are still children anyway....
Children pay little attention to their parents' teachings, but reproduce their characters faithfully.
Mason Cooley
Mason Cooley
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
President T. Roosevelt once said....
It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement.
And at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
President Theodore Roosevelt
Paris 1910
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement.
And at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
President Theodore Roosevelt
Paris 1910
Saturday, June 9, 2007
The enemy of a great life.
Always keep in mind that,
tbe real enemy of a great life is a good life.
Thus, we have to learn to get out from our comfort zone and sharpen ourselves to be sensitive in recognizing and seizing the opportunities of a life-time withint the life-time of the opportunities themselves.
We live just once, let's go all out! Be Bold and Courageous!
Take calculated risk, and have fun in the process!
Have an extra-ordinary weekend!
tbe real enemy of a great life is a good life.
Thus, we have to learn to get out from our comfort zone and sharpen ourselves to be sensitive in recognizing and seizing the opportunities of a life-time withint the life-time of the opportunities themselves.
We live just once, let's go all out! Be Bold and Courageous!
Take calculated risk, and have fun in the process!
Have an extra-ordinary weekend!
Friday, June 8, 2007
Raindrops on Roses & Whiskers on Kittens?
Raindrops on Roses & Whiskers on Kittens?
Maybe that Nun knew what she was singing about after all!
By Carrie Wilkerson
As I was picking up school supplies a few weeks ago (good grief $$), I had to gather some things for my office as well. A binder, ballpoint pens - basics. As I was checking out - it hit me...I was smiling at my new notebook and pens! I was EXCITED to open them and put them to use! WHY?
Because I was anxious to work? NO! Because they make me smile! My binder has 2" pastel polka dots on it and the pens are the chubby, curvy kind (hmmmm, why do I relate to those?)! I could have purchased a solid binder and thin pens...but I gravitated to the things that made me smile! When I got to the car...I grabbed my pink plaid and polka dot (ha! another smile!) spiral journal that I carry for brain downloads and immediately made a list of things that bring a smile to my face! I thought I would share some of those with you:
Polka Dots (again with the chubby, curvy theme - what IS that?)! Big BOWS on Babies! Chunky Writing Pens! ANYTHING ORANGE! Gerber Daisies! Kids singing! Babies laughing! Doors being opened for me! Trumpet fanfare! Marching Bands! New lip gloss! Bumblebees & Ladybugs (not real ones)! Pregnant bellies! Kissing crinkly cheeks and stroking wrinkly hands (I DO love and appreciate our seniors, don't you?) and it always makes me smile when someone SMILES at ME!!
Am I trying to sway you to like the things I like? No, of course not! But what I've noticed is, that I tend to drift towards the people, the things, the music, the environments that make me smile, laugh and remain up-up-up!! I tend to mirror the atmosphere around me. Don't you? Hanging with negative people tends to make you more negative! Agreed?? Hanging with very positive people -- DOES tend to make you see things on the sunnier side!
I challenge you to make a conscious effort to surround yourself with people and things that make you smile and NOTICE things this week. If they drain you - ditch 'em! (That goes for negative friends too! Family? Well - you're stuck with them - but you CAN limit your time with them...that's a whoooole different issue!) I keep my journal and my chubby pen very handy and I've been adding to my page regularly...the one that says at the top, "THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE!" Have a list of things that make YOU smile? Send it to me with SMILE in the subject line!
I believe in Incredible YOU and we are limiting our effectiveness and influence if we are not as positive and energized as we can be!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Be Beautiful! Be Positive! Be Blessed! Carrie Wilkerson is an author, International speaker and editor of IncredibleU! (www.IncredibleU.com) a free ezine designed to encourage women of all ages! She is a wife, mother and business woman and enjoys singing with a group of friends in her spare time. Carrie can be reached at carrie@unitnews.com
Maybe that Nun knew what she was singing about after all!
By Carrie Wilkerson
As I was picking up school supplies a few weeks ago (good grief $$), I had to gather some things for my office as well. A binder, ballpoint pens - basics. As I was checking out - it hit me...I was smiling at my new notebook and pens! I was EXCITED to open them and put them to use! WHY?
Because I was anxious to work? NO! Because they make me smile! My binder has 2" pastel polka dots on it and the pens are the chubby, curvy kind (hmmmm, why do I relate to those?)! I could have purchased a solid binder and thin pens...but I gravitated to the things that made me smile! When I got to the car...I grabbed my pink plaid and polka dot (ha! another smile!) spiral journal that I carry for brain downloads and immediately made a list of things that bring a smile to my face! I thought I would share some of those with you:
Polka Dots (again with the chubby, curvy theme - what IS that?)! Big BOWS on Babies! Chunky Writing Pens! ANYTHING ORANGE! Gerber Daisies! Kids singing! Babies laughing! Doors being opened for me! Trumpet fanfare! Marching Bands! New lip gloss! Bumblebees & Ladybugs (not real ones)! Pregnant bellies! Kissing crinkly cheeks and stroking wrinkly hands (I DO love and appreciate our seniors, don't you?) and it always makes me smile when someone SMILES at ME!!
Am I trying to sway you to like the things I like? No, of course not! But what I've noticed is, that I tend to drift towards the people, the things, the music, the environments that make me smile, laugh and remain up-up-up!! I tend to mirror the atmosphere around me. Don't you? Hanging with negative people tends to make you more negative! Agreed?? Hanging with very positive people -- DOES tend to make you see things on the sunnier side!
I challenge you to make a conscious effort to surround yourself with people and things that make you smile and NOTICE things this week. If they drain you - ditch 'em! (That goes for negative friends too! Family? Well - you're stuck with them - but you CAN limit your time with them...that's a whoooole different issue!) I keep my journal and my chubby pen very handy and I've been adding to my page regularly...the one that says at the top, "THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE!" Have a list of things that make YOU smile? Send it to me with SMILE in the subject line!
I believe in Incredible YOU and we are limiting our effectiveness and influence if we are not as positive and energized as we can be!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Be Beautiful! Be Positive! Be Blessed! Carrie Wilkerson is an author, International speaker and editor of IncredibleU! (www.IncredibleU.com) a free ezine designed to encourage women of all ages! She is a wife, mother and business woman and enjoys singing with a group of friends in her spare time. Carrie can be reached at carrie@unitnews.com
Can You Hear Me Now?
Great article taken from John Maxwell's Leadership Wired
Can You Hear Me Now
It’s happened to all of us. We’re blazing through conversation when we realize we’re not getting cues, (uh-huh, yeah, yep, ok), from our friend on the other end of the call. Uncertain, we ask whether or not our buddy remains on the call: “Hello? Are you there? Can you hear me?” The ensuing silence prompts us to look at our phone. Sure enough, the call has been dropped.
As frustrating as a dropped call can be, given the complexity mobile phone communications, we are not overly surprised when we occasionally are cut off from a conversation. At some level, we understand the limitations of network bandwidth, battery life, and signal strength.
While dropped calls are explainable, few experiences are as demeaning or insulting as being dropped in face-to-face conversation. When we’re talking to a person who tunes us out, we feel worthless. When a listener’s posture or facial expressions show boredom or disinterest, we feel insignificant. Similarly, we are annoyed by ceaseless interruptions or being cut short when speaking.
Something inside of us demands to be heard, to be acknowledged, and to know that our ideas and opinions matter. Great leaders have mastered the art of listening, and by doing so, they gain wisdom, earn respect, and win friends. In its February 2007 edition of Leading Effectively,, The Center for Creative Leadership summarizes six listening tips from author Michael Hoppe. Paying Attention
One of the greatest gifts a leader can give is his or her undivided attention. As simple as it sounds, in practice, paying attention can take a heavy dose of discipline. Whether we’re thinking about an upcoming meeting or an urgent phone call, our minds are cluttered with dozens of thoughts at any point during the day.
To offer full attention in conversation, Hoppe suggests:
Paying Attention
One of the greatest gifts a leader can give is his or her undivided attention. As simple as it sounds, in practice, paying attention can take a heavy dose of discipline. Whether we’re thinking about an upcoming meeting or an urgent phone call, our minds are cluttered with dozens of thoughts at any point during the day. To offer full attention in conversation, Hoppe suggests:
Allowing time and opportunity for the other person to think and speak.
Being present, focused on the moment, and operating from a place of respect.
One of the greatest gifts a leader can give is his or her undivided attention. As simple as it sounds, in practice, paying attention can take a heavy dose of discipline. Whether we’re thinking about an upcoming meeting or an urgent phone call, our minds are cluttered with dozens of thoughts at any point during the day. To offer full attention in conversation, Hoppe suggests:
Allowing time and opportunity for the other person to think and speak.
Being present, focused on the moment, and operating from a place of respect.
Laws of Lifetime Growth
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
- Chinese Proverb -
everything in this world has law....every elements are controlled with the laws of nature..
there is one law that is constant and will never change..the law of growth.
our body represents the earth. and the earth represents the life.
in every second of our life, the cells in our body is splitting and growing.
the cells are growing according to the internal and external conditioning......
whether you like it or not.......YOUR BODY IS GROWING ANYWAY.....
it means that...if you don't take care yourself..bad cells, such as cancer...will grow anyway in your body....
the choice is either growing to become better or worse......
the same thing applies to our mind and life..
if we choose to be lazy and decide not to grow.....we are indeed choosing to grow backwards..to become worse than before..
in fact it's not that we are falling behind...but we are speeding behind and build stronger walls for comfort zone....thus, it will double the efforts to go back to the origin point before we fall back
so what happen if we decide to grow, even if it's seems like insignifcant growth..?
I believe, we will feel content and fully alive.....
let's not go against the law of nature, but be harmonized and ride the wave of growth...
don't resist the constant change, but utilize the change for greater good.
I would like to pass along a few growth principles to guide you in your daily journey of leadership growth. This lesson draws heavily upon a brilliant resource, The Laws of Lifetime Growth, authored by Dan Sullivan and Catherine Nomura. You may visit their website at http://www.lifetimegrowth.com.
Law #1 – Always Make Your Future Bigger Than Your Past.
“The past is useful because it is rich with experiences that are worth thinking about in new ways-and all of these valuable experiences can become raw material for creating an even bigger future. Approach your past with this attitude, and you will have an insatiable desire for even better, more enjoyable experiences. Use your past to continually create a bigger future, and you will separate yourself from situations, relationships, and activities that can trap you there.”- Sullivan & Nomura Thoughts about the Future:
Abraham Lincoln said, “The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda. We spend each day either repairing the past or preparing for the future. We can try to fix our past, but we can’t rewrite it; we can only author our future.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you had done what you aren’t doing now. Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.
Law #2 – Always Make Your Contribution Bigger Than Your Reward.
“As you become more successful, numerous rewards will come your way: greater income, praise, recognition, reputation, status, capabilities, resources, and opportunities. These are all desirable things, but they can be growth stoppers. They may tempt you to become fixated on just the rewards, rather than focus on making still greater contributions. The way to guarantee that rewards will continually increase is to not think too much about them. Instead, continue making an even more significant contribution.” - Sullivan & Nomura
Thoughts on Contribution
To make your contribution bigger than your reward, adopt an anti-entitlement attitude. Believe you must give before you receive. Expect to serve before feeling like you deserve a reward. Determine success by the seeds you sow rather than the harvest you reap. Each morning, I ask myself, “Who can I add value to and how can I do it?” It’s amazing how much I’ve been able to contribute by answering this simple question each day and following through to help a friend or colleague.
Law #3 Always Make Your Performance Greater Than Your Applause.
“The greatest performers in all fields are those who always strive to get better. No matter how much acclaim they receive, they keep working to improve their performance. Continually work to surpass everything you’ve done so far, and your performance will always be greater than your applause.”- Sullivan & Nomura
Thoughts on Performance
To make sure your performance stays a step ahead or your applause, be growth-driven instead of goal-driven. I’m not criticizing goals, but if we aren’t careful, they can limit our growth. If we set them too high, they de-motivate us. If we set them too low, we are tempted to relax when we hit them rather than pushing for our best performance. Growth is a long and consistent process. No substitutions can be made or shortcuts taken which avoid the day-to-day process of growth.
Law #4 – Always Make Your Gratitude Greater Than Your Success.
“Only a small percentage of people are continually successful over the long run. These outstanding few recognize that every success comes through the assistance of many other people – and they are continually grateful for this support.” –Sullivan & Nomura
Thoughts on Gratitude:
We see the value in people and things through proactive gratitude. Once we see this value, we naturally treat these people and things with greater respect. People and resources are drawn to where they are valued most. The world responds to gratitude by making more of everything we appreciate available to us.
To adopt an attitude of thankfulness, Oprah Winfrey keeps a gratitude journal. She recommends her habit to others: “Every night, list five things that happened this day that you are grateful for. What it will begin to do is change your perspective of your day and your life. If you can learn to focus on what you have, you will always see that the universe is abundant; you will have more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough.”
Review: Laws of Lifetime Growth
Always Make the Future Bigger Than Your Past.
Always Make Your Contribution Bigger Than Your Reward.
Always Make Your Performance Greater Than Your Applause.
Always Make Gratitude Greater Than Your Success.
- Chinese Proverb -
everything in this world has law....every elements are controlled with the laws of nature..
there is one law that is constant and will never change..the law of growth.
our body represents the earth. and the earth represents the life.
in every second of our life, the cells in our body is splitting and growing.
the cells are growing according to the internal and external conditioning......
whether you like it or not.......YOUR BODY IS GROWING ANYWAY.....
it means that...if you don't take care yourself..bad cells, such as cancer...will grow anyway in your body....
the choice is either growing to become better or worse......
the same thing applies to our mind and life..
if we choose to be lazy and decide not to grow.....we are indeed choosing to grow backwards..to become worse than before..
in fact it's not that we are falling behind...but we are speeding behind and build stronger walls for comfort zone....thus, it will double the efforts to go back to the origin point before we fall back
so what happen if we decide to grow, even if it's seems like insignifcant growth..?
I believe, we will feel content and fully alive.....
let's not go against the law of nature, but be harmonized and ride the wave of growth...
don't resist the constant change, but utilize the change for greater good.
I would like to pass along a few growth principles to guide you in your daily journey of leadership growth. This lesson draws heavily upon a brilliant resource, The Laws of Lifetime Growth, authored by Dan Sullivan and Catherine Nomura. You may visit their website at http://www.lifetimegrowth.com.
Law #1 – Always Make Your Future Bigger Than Your Past.
“The past is useful because it is rich with experiences that are worth thinking about in new ways-and all of these valuable experiences can become raw material for creating an even bigger future. Approach your past with this attitude, and you will have an insatiable desire for even better, more enjoyable experiences. Use your past to continually create a bigger future, and you will separate yourself from situations, relationships, and activities that can trap you there.”- Sullivan & Nomura Thoughts about the Future:
Abraham Lincoln said, “The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” The secret of your success is determined by your daily agenda. We spend each day either repairing the past or preparing for the future. We can try to fix our past, but we can’t rewrite it; we can only author our future.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you had done what you aren’t doing now. Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.
Law #2 – Always Make Your Contribution Bigger Than Your Reward.
“As you become more successful, numerous rewards will come your way: greater income, praise, recognition, reputation, status, capabilities, resources, and opportunities. These are all desirable things, but they can be growth stoppers. They may tempt you to become fixated on just the rewards, rather than focus on making still greater contributions. The way to guarantee that rewards will continually increase is to not think too much about them. Instead, continue making an even more significant contribution.” - Sullivan & Nomura
Thoughts on Contribution
To make your contribution bigger than your reward, adopt an anti-entitlement attitude. Believe you must give before you receive. Expect to serve before feeling like you deserve a reward. Determine success by the seeds you sow rather than the harvest you reap. Each morning, I ask myself, “Who can I add value to and how can I do it?” It’s amazing how much I’ve been able to contribute by answering this simple question each day and following through to help a friend or colleague.
Law #3 Always Make Your Performance Greater Than Your Applause.
“The greatest performers in all fields are those who always strive to get better. No matter how much acclaim they receive, they keep working to improve their performance. Continually work to surpass everything you’ve done so far, and your performance will always be greater than your applause.”- Sullivan & Nomura
Thoughts on Performance
To make sure your performance stays a step ahead or your applause, be growth-driven instead of goal-driven. I’m not criticizing goals, but if we aren’t careful, they can limit our growth. If we set them too high, they de-motivate us. If we set them too low, we are tempted to relax when we hit them rather than pushing for our best performance. Growth is a long and consistent process. No substitutions can be made or shortcuts taken which avoid the day-to-day process of growth.
Law #4 – Always Make Your Gratitude Greater Than Your Success.
“Only a small percentage of people are continually successful over the long run. These outstanding few recognize that every success comes through the assistance of many other people – and they are continually grateful for this support.” –Sullivan & Nomura
Thoughts on Gratitude:
We see the value in people and things through proactive gratitude. Once we see this value, we naturally treat these people and things with greater respect. People and resources are drawn to where they are valued most. The world responds to gratitude by making more of everything we appreciate available to us.
To adopt an attitude of thankfulness, Oprah Winfrey keeps a gratitude journal. She recommends her habit to others: “Every night, list five things that happened this day that you are grateful for. What it will begin to do is change your perspective of your day and your life. If you can learn to focus on what you have, you will always see that the universe is abundant; you will have more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough.”
Review: Laws of Lifetime Growth
Always Make the Future Bigger Than Your Past.
Always Make Your Contribution Bigger Than Your Reward.
Always Make Your Performance Greater Than Your Applause.
Always Make Gratitude Greater Than Your Success.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
The Power of Choice
i've been expecting for a stomachache since i arrived in Indonesia, but it never happened until last night..wow 3 AM i have to woke up just to "release the freakin pain in the ass" hahahahaa
in a way i really amazed because i got the stomachache not because as a result of eating the food in here (fyi: food processing in Indonesia is abit below the worldwide health standard...specifically the ones on push/pull carts a.k.a. street vendors)...but because of drinking VITA CHARM...some kind of drink, intended for helping digestion....it suppose to be consumed one bottle for a day only..but i chose to drink two last night...hahaha
so i highly recommend to drink 2 bottles of vitacharm or yakult for those who have challenges in releasing their "stuf"
anyway...here is what i learn today
"Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones, says this in his excellent work, Spiritual Depression, Its Cause and Cure: “Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself.” Thoughts stream into our minds beyond our control. Instead of choosing to succumb to whichever thoughts happen to pop into our heads, we can purposefully choose to fix our minds on the positive.
(taken from "The Big 5" by Dr. John Maxwell)
in a way i really amazed because i got the stomachache not because as a result of eating the food in here (fyi: food processing in Indonesia is abit below the worldwide health standard...specifically the ones on push/pull carts a.k.a. street vendors)...but because of drinking VITA CHARM...some kind of drink, intended for helping digestion....it suppose to be consumed one bottle for a day only..but i chose to drink two last night...hahaha
so i highly recommend to drink 2 bottles of vitacharm or yakult for those who have challenges in releasing their "stuf"
anyway...here is what i learn today
"Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones, says this in his excellent work, Spiritual Depression, Its Cause and Cure: “Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself.” Thoughts stream into our minds beyond our control. Instead of choosing to succumb to whichever thoughts happen to pop into our heads, we can purposefully choose to fix our minds on the positive.
(taken from "The Big 5" by Dr. John Maxwell)
Define What A Problem Is:
A problem is something I can choose to do something about. If I cannot choose to do something about a situation, it is a fact of life, not a problem.
Anticipate Problems:
A problem anticipated may be an opportunity, but a problem not anticipated is a simply a problem.
(taken from "The Big 5" by Dr. John Maxwell)
in conclusion...my focus today is to choose the righ thing
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
~ Kahlil Gibran
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.
~ Viktor Frankl
“It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”
~ J.K. Rowling
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Mommy Teresa is saying....
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.
Be the living expression of God's kindness:
kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, and kindness in your smile"
A great quote from Mother Teresa. She has been the living example for her own philosophy. I am praying and doing my best to adopt the same philosophy because as Ghandi has said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Be the living expression of God's kindness:
kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, and kindness in your smile"
A great quote from Mother Teresa. She has been the living example for her own philosophy. I am praying and doing my best to adopt the same philosophy because as Ghandi has said, "Be the change you want to see in the world."
Dream Big!
The only opinion about your dream that really counts is yours. The negative comments of others merely reflect their limitations - not yours.
Monday, June 4, 2007
REunion SMPK4
It was started only as a quick idea between me and agustin at La piaza sometime early this week. wow will it be a great idea to gather all the graduates or alumni from our level at junior high school...
then...we decided to meet up on sundaynite..
I was a bit worry that only a bunch will show up, but man!!!! we ended up with 35 people including myself...
it was an amazin night.full of joy and stories.....
it seems that everyone were just about started in their carreers....
I believe that this 35 people and beyond that came from our generation will become great men and women in whatever choices of career that they are pursuing.
wonderful night..truly
and that reminds me to treasure them well
especially after i said goodbye to all my friends in Vancouver...now i do understand that
'friends are gifts that you give to yourself" (thnks iv for making the farewell thingy)
remember that what you choose to do and not to do will either make or break the relationship.
then...we decided to meet up on sundaynite..
I was a bit worry that only a bunch will show up, but man!!!! we ended up with 35 people including myself...
it was an amazin night.full of joy and stories.....
it seems that everyone were just about started in their carreers....
I believe that this 35 people and beyond that came from our generation will become great men and women in whatever choices of career that they are pursuing.
wonderful night..truly
and that reminds me to treasure them well
especially after i said goodbye to all my friends in Vancouver...now i do understand that
'friends are gifts that you give to yourself" (thnks iv for making the farewell thingy)
remember that what you choose to do and not to do will either make or break the relationship.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
SAHABAT
I made this writing for you..you know who you are.....my special friends all over the world (hope it's not cheesy..hehehehe...maklum baru mulai nulis2 beginian)
SAHABAT
Seorang yang berarti
Lebih dekat dari saudara sendiri
Kaulah yang telah menjadi
Sahabat sejati
Saat pedih, waktu hampir mati...
Kau ada di sini
Saat senang, dunia tertawa riang...
Kau ada bergirang
Tak pernah sedetik terlewatkan
Tanpa kehadiran seorang teman
Biarlah kukatakan sekarang
Bahwa kaulah sang sahabat
Lebih dari malaikat yang membawa berkat
Kau buat hidup menjadi nikmat
Berarti meski singkat
Walau kita berpisah, bukan tak mungkin bersua
Kau kan tetap di hati, apapun yang terjadi
O, Sahabat sejati
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