LEARNING TO LIVE

by Amber Thomure

In life we all learn to walk and talk, we struggle to survive. To learn to live though is another atter. We tend to acquire that knowledge the hard way. I realized this when my father died. I wanted to do so much more with him and now that I see how short life is, I understand the importance of putting first things first. I have chosen to live life as a participant, not a spectator; my first experience with death actually taught me how to live.

I can recall the day clearly; it was August 27th, 1991. It was a beautiful bright sunny day just outside of Sacramento California, my father and I spent his last day alive at the State Fair. We were there all day long, from open to close. We did everything we could: saw all the exhibits, rode all the rides, played all the games and of course ate our fair share of cotton candy and snacks. Towards the end of the day he was getting tired and slowing down. At the time I really didn't think much of it, we were both wearing thin. Now of course I realize what was happening, he was starting to have a heart attack.

Once we got home I was out like a light, but before I fell asleep I remember thinking that this was the best day of my life. I was definitely "Daddy's Girl" and that day I had him all to myself, something that was very rare. That was the last night for many years I could fall asleep feeling like everything in my life was okay and all was well in the world. I was young, just thirteen years old, I was naive and my father was my personal hero. I had no idea something like that would or even could ever happen to me, or to him. As a child I lost my father and he lost his life. I was of course devastated when my mother woke me up in the wee hours of the morning to tell me the news.

The next few years were difficult; my entire world had been shredded, torn apart and turned upside down. My mom and I ended up moving, her to Arizona and me to here, there and everywhere. I stayed with friends and acquaintances, I felt isolated for quite some time. There were no more fair days, no more piggy back rides, no more "Daddy's Little Girl". I turned to my family and faith for guidance and support. Although it was a fight I ultimately learned that living is more important than surviving.

As adults it's easy to miss out on life, at least the part that matters. Jobs, problems, or whatever the pressing issues of the day are, can easily overshadow what matters most to us. Things like family, friends and our own happiness are often neglected or pushed to the back burner. We say we want to spend time with the people we love, so then why don't we? Why is it that we spend our time on other things? Imagine that you are sick, really sick, would the world keep going? Then what if you took a vacation day every once in awhile, would everything really fall apart? Of course the world would keep turning; the reality is, the world will keep going once we are gone. We all have to find time to turn off our cell phones and really be there for each other, to live.

It took me many years and a lot of soul searching to come to this point, but my personal mission statement is "I will not just survive, I will live". That same statement will mean a variety of things to other people, but here's what it means to me. Buy the perfect dress, eat ice cream for breakfast, go on the trip of a lifetime. Just stay true to yourself and focused on what matters most , it does not mean is to be irresponsible or live each day as if were your last. We all have bills to pay and responsibilities to meet. However, there are ways of enjoying life and still meeting your obligations. Be the first one to jump in the pool, sing karaoke in front of your friends, just live your life so you don't look back and say I wish I would have done more, or I missed out. Just getting the most out of life, to me that is truly living.

The way I see it is, the smallest tasks can be the greatest gifts. We can decide that everyday is valuable and treat it so. Routine jobs can be thought of events, things like grocery shopping or driving to work can be looked at in a positive way. We can sing in the shower, we can have a blast making dinner, its all in our perspective and how we choose to live.

I am married now and my husband and I have a son together, we both want him to be able to look back at his childhood and know that he was important. We work at spending time together, and by spending I don't mean in the sense that "Time is Money" because its not. It's much more valuable than that. We make a point do things as a family, whether it's a vacation to Hawaii, a trip to the circus or just watching TV we do it together. I believe that we show him our love, by enjoying the simple things with him, through our actions not only our words.

We were all born and will all die, the question is what will happen in between. Will you simply walk or will you skip and dance? Will you only talk or can you listen and sing? Will you survive or will you live? My father may not have had a long life, but he lived!


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Amber Thomure is 29 years old, and wrote this paper for her English 101 class. The assignment was to write a narrative essay on one of your "firsts"; first date, first kiss, or first experience with death or serious illness. Amber chose to write about her first experience with death, her father's. She is just returning to school after 10 years, knowing that she was a little rusty she really put a lot of work into this paper. She thought she it was an "A" paper. Her teacher gave her a "C", saying that it was very good but that it was inspirational rather than narrative. Amber has been a subscriber to MDI for some time and thought if it inspired him, it may inspire others. What do you think? Amber can be reached at athomure@aol.com

3E= Well said. As a psychologist once said, that the greatest driver of a human being is the need to be appreciated. What you sow is what you reap. If you want everyone and everything in your life to appreciate you to the maximum, then learn to appreciate life itself by start living, not only surviving....EVERY DAY!